Wishing for Companionship?

WHAT KIND OF COMPANION DO YOU WANT?

WHAT KIND OF COMPANION DO YOU WISH TO BE?

Companionship is one of the greatest pleasures you and I enjoy in this world. Having an understanding person who knows us, enjoys being with us, spends time with us, cares about our well being.

Our Creator-God places a high value on companionship. He proved this at the very dawn of time when He formed the heavens and the earth. “Let us make man in our own image...” He said, implying that the human race would reflect His own inner relationship as a being composed of multiple persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The three persons of the Godhead have been in a loving companionship from eternal ages past, and it was their desire for men and women to enjoy a similar kind of relationship to one another in this created world.

When we look into the pages of the Bible, we clearly see mankind’s hunger for companionship portrayed in the garden of Eden. The first human being, Adam, was given the task of examining and naming all the other creatures around him. As he did so, he discovered that he himself was unlike the animals in many ways, but as Genesis 2 tells us, “...for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.”

God had already proclaimed that it was “not good that man should be alone” (Gen.2:18). But think for a moment: could God have solved this problem by meeting this need on His own? The Bible says that God would walk with Adam and Eve “in the cool of the day.” Wasn’t their fellowship with their Creator enough to fill this need for man not to be alone? It appears that, even though the man was made in God’s image, Adam had a uniquely different personhood--so different from God’s that it was desirable for the Lord to provide another created person to share this uniqueness with the first man. And that is why He created the first woman.

Some people have taught and believed that it is more spiritual, more godly, for a person to avoid the companionship of other human beings in order to draw close to God and have fellowship with Him. But this Garden of Eden account shows that it is rather the Lord’s will for human beings to desire and to seek after companionship with other like-minded people, so that together they can help one another to praise and serve their Creator.

When the crafty serpent tempted Eve to eat of the forbidden Tree, where was Adam? Was he there to argue against the words of Satan and remind Eve of what her disobedience would cost them and all the people to follow? Apparently not. Either he was some place else or maybe looking on and listening to find out what his wife would do. Either way, the man was failing in his duty of being a worthy companion to Eve. When the woman needed the strength to resist the devil’s temptation, her husband wasn’t available or willing to help her.

This tragedy that brought sin and death into the world brought with it a severe breakdown in the thinking, desires and character of human beings. Now, driven by selfish desires and the absence of faith in our Creator, we tend to seek to meet our needs on our own, or by taking advantage of other people, rather than by mutually bonding with others in helpful companionship. Instead of asking, “how can I help you?” we tend to think, “what’s in it for ME?” Our minds and our hearts have been tainted by sin, making us prone to all kinds of self-centered and lawless deeds.

People will preach about the supposed “Fatherhood of God and the Brotherhood of Man,” but if we look around us, we find it is a rare thing to find two brothers who are truly friendly companions. Indeed, the first two brothers, Cain and Abel, were so driven by sin and jealousy (at least Cain was), that their relationship ended in the first murder (Gen. 4). And when God confronted Cain about what he’d done, Cain replied with the famous mockery, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The Lord banished Cain for his sin, placing a mark on him so that he would not be killed by others, but when Cain married and had his own family, his descendants would take his violent tendencies to a whole new level.

Of course, God created marriage as an ideal answer to our need for companionship in this life. Many of us have found husbands or wives who met this need in the ways that God intended. We found a helper to come alongside us and influence us in good and godly ways. If a married person pays attention to the commands and wisdom of God found in his Word, and truly seeks the well-being of his or her spouse, then the delights of marriage can seem like a heaven on earth.

But alas! Because of our sinful hearts, not one of us can claim to be an ideal husband or wife. As individuals, and as a human race, we have failed to value God’s gift of marriage and protect it from the ravages of selfishness and sin. Many, many people get married for money, or for sex, or for the approval of others, even their parents. Being a true, godly helper for their spouses is often the furthest thing from their minds. Most of these kinds of marriages end in divorce or unfaithful-ness, and those that stay together often do so with a sad kind of desperation.

The Old Testament book of Proverbs gives a great deal of wisdom concerning marriage, as well as other kinds of companionship, both positive and negative:

The first chapter of this book contains a warning about choosing evil companions: “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent...My son, do not walk in the way with them, keep your foot from their path” (1:10, 15). The desire and need for companionship is deep in all of us, but if we allow that desire to make us too desperate, we can end up in friendships that cause harm to ourselves and others. Even if our own motives are friendly and pure, the other person may be hiding selfish motives like a fisherman hiding a hook in the bait!

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones” (12:4). Romantic infatuation has led many men and women into regrettable marriages. Very often, taking the time to deepen a friendship with a possible spouse can reveal areas of weakness in that person that can make romantic illusions less attractive. Unfortunately, the very idea of a marriage bond that lasts for life is becoming more and more rare. But the more one believes in such a bond, the more careful one should be about choosing an “excellent” mate.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed” (13:20). The wise man and the fool are contrasted numerous times in the Proverbs. It is possible even for an intelligent person to be corrupted by the folly of his friends. Gaining and following the paths of wisdom is rarely easy. It takes effort and self-denial that don’t come naturally to foolish or frivolous people. Fools are known for taking the easy path, “cutting corners” and placing their hopes in “lady luck,” instead of studying hard, working diligently, or exercising patience.

“Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud” (16:19). Humility and pride is another set of opposites the Bible often discusses. When we choose to be the companions of proud people, it’s often because they have boasted of their superior status or abilities, or they have accomplished some great feat and are now enjoying the “spoil” that came with that victory. This proverb reminds us that such boasting and pride reveal a character flaw that can end up turning against the proud person’s fans. How much better to spend one’s time with a lowly person who appreciates your friendship and expects no attempt to stroke his ego!

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17). We have all had so-called fair-weather friends, those we couldn’t always count on when the going got rough, or cut us loose when we disappointed or embarrassed them in some way. A truly worthy companion is one who understands that life isn’t always smooth sailing and that no one is perfect this side of heaven! No one enjoys being taken for granted, or having a friend who ALWAYS seems to be in trouble...but you and I are put on earth for a purpose, and part of that purpose is to be helpful to our neighbors who are facing adversity, and the “Golden Rule” always applies, whether or not it is convenient.

“A man devoid of understanding shakes hands in pledge, and becomes surety for his friend” (17:18). There are times, however, when a companion may seek my help in a way that pulls me into the path of folly. “Shaking hands in pledge” would be akin to signing a binding contract or co-signing a loan. When a so-called friend insists that this is what our friendship requires, to assure a creditor of getting repaid, then it’s time to stop and question what our friendship means to him, and look for a wiser path than risking further debt.

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment” (18:1). We all need to spend time alone from time to time. But this proverb reminds us that prolonged isolation from companionship--the company of others--can have a damaging effect on our hearts and minds. If I am avoiding all outside contact, it might be a sign that my own selfish desires are consuming me, especially when I oppose the wise advice of those who care about me.

“A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle” (18:19). Often it takes great tact and discipline to avoid offending a close companion. It seems that the closer we are with a friend, the more intimate our knowledge of him or her, the easier it can be to say or do something hurtful. But however hard it is to avoid offending a brother or sister, it can be ten times HARDER to repair the damage once he or she IS offended. If I truly care about someone I’m companions with, I’ll treat that person’s feelings with great care as well.

Other proverbs extol the favor of the Lord indicated when a man “finds a wife” (18:22). Encourage us to BE friendly to win friends (18:24). Observe how wealth and poverty can affect companionships (19:4, 6-7). Compare a prudent wife to a rich inheritance (19:14). Compare a contentious one with living on a rooftop (21:9). Warn us against friendships with angry people (22:24-25). Against mixing with drunkards and gluttons (23:20-21). Against envying and desiring the company of evil men (24:1-2). Against blessing a friend too loudly too early in the morning (27:14). And there is one that reminds us how we can sharpen each other like “iron sharpening iron” (27:17).

One of our favorite songs has always been “In the Garden.” I’ll bet that if I started singing it, most of you could join in:

I come the the garden alone while the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear falling on my ear the Son of God discloses.
And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own.
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known.

I could talk about wonderful companionships throughout history like Moses and Joshua, David and Jonathan, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Barnabbas, Aquila and Priscilla...

But there never was another companion as true and as faithful as the Lord Jesus. God’s own beloved Son, who’d always known the perfect companionship of the heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit, chose to take on himself a human nature like yours and mine. He became the only perfectly sinless person who ever lived. The Gospel of John tells us that “the Word--Jesus--became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory--glory as of the only begotten of the Father--full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Can you imagine a perfectly sinless person? One who never said an unkind word, thought an evil thought, broke even the most minor of God’s commandments? Why would such a glorious, gracious person want to come and dwell with wicked, rebellious sinners like you and me? But He did come to dwell here. He was born into a poor peasant family, grew up under the rule of a cruel, oppressive government, and became a traveling Teacher who had no permanent home.

Jesus demonstrated again and again that He was a companion people could totally trust. He came with words of timeless truth, not clever deception. He came to touch and bless and heal and help people. Rich and poor, upright and wicked, wise and foolish--all kinds of people found that they could approach Him and find a ready friend in this simple carpenter. The twelve men Jesus chose as His chief disciples were mostly unschooled and poor, many times difficult and slow to learn, and on the night one of His closest friends betrayed Him, all the others forsook their Companion and fled. Only one of the twelve was there to watch as He died on the cross. All of His closest companions failed their Master when He needed them most.

But this was not the end. On the third day, Resurrection Day, Jesus Christ came out of the grave alive, never to die again. Once again He gathered His faltering disciples to restore their friendship with Him and commission them to take His good news of new life and forgiveness to all the nations. And some of Jesus’ final words to them before He ascended into heaven: “And lo, I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). In the first chapter of Matthew’s Gospel, quoting Isaiah’s prophecy, the writer says, “Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a Son, and they shall call his name Immanuel, which is translated God with us.”

And now, those who have placed their trust in this God-man, this God with us, trust Him to save them from sin and give them eternal life, they have the right to be called sons of God--to have the Lord Jesus Christ as their constant companion, and by the presence of the Holy Spirit, the grace to be the kind of companion to others that Jesus was. We are called to reach out to lonely, sin-sick people with love, truth, help and healing for their broken hearts and lives. Let us all pray that the Lord will make each one of us a “friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Like Jesus is to us.


MNA  8.29.2015